Crying over Milk...

     "Watch out for the crack!"  was the battle cry we heard each night at dinner as one of my brothers or I inevitably spilled our milk cup.  Classic tupperware cups in orange and gold rolling towards the edge of the table.  But that was the easy part, quickly wiped up after hitting the floor.  It was the dreaded crack that was home to lost crumbs and "gunk" where the milk would.... ?? Well I'm not sure exactly.  Curdle? Require the disassembly of the kitchen table?
     At any rate, moms for decades have indeed been crying over spilled milk. Whether we "should" cry about it or not is debatable.  My heart especially rockets out to the moms, including myself who have chosen to attempt to breastfeed yet found that our bodies were unable to produce luxurious quantities of milk.  Yes, we guzzled the tea.  Yes, we ate the cookies (thanks Monica!).  Choked down supplements along with the chunky vitamins.   Yes we shed a silent tear when other moms posted their "problems" on Facebook regarding what to do with their freezers full of excess milk.
    Today is a day on my breastfeeding journey.  I wanted to say the "bittersweet final day of"... but I can't.  Today I rediscovered my last 2 bags of breast milk.  Last, last; as in we are not planning to have other children.  As in, my current 2 year old laughs if I try to offer him breast milk.  With each child a different journey of nursing for various lengths of time for various reasons.
     Those 2 "measly" bags peeping out from behind the unused frozen bananas (someone will be over soon to make us smoothies and banana bread) and below the food coloring-rich freezie pops.
     I can't yet let them thaw in the sink and slip down the drain.  I worked so hard to extract each drop of milk.  I was hooked up to a fancy 1st world pumping machine where I pumped in my car between work shifts.  Each day I squeezed out just 1/4 ounce to one ounce of milk at a time.  I remember carefully shaking each drop into the bottle, letting it regather and shaking again for one last drop. I certainly did cry over spilled milk more than once.  Precious for the hopes, determination and even fears carried within.
     So I will tuck those 2 tiny bags back into the freezer, not even close to 1/4 full.  Hey, it's one of the few times I can choose to not spill the milk.
   

baby geometry

so if the protractor is the semi circle, then the compass must be the baby with its unmoving point on the mama's nipple and the arm.. well her arm! and what an arc it swings! with a radius no greater than the length of the arm, this living compass can cause quite a bit of mischief.
for starters, have you have ever wondered why babies refuse to wear mittens? it is to increase comedic effect when they come in to eat and place their icicle hands on the warmest part of mom's body. and they must know you can't yell at them for having cold hands..
next come the razor sharp nails that go of in search of new flesh to scratch, but alas they cannot find it. that's right! the limits of the radius confine baby to the same scratching area (much to mom's dismay).
before you started breastfeeding, you probably imagined that the babies under those nursing covers were sucking peacefully. now you wonder why you ever introduced the game of peek-a-boo, as baby doesn't mind playing this while feeding and exposing your breasts to.. everyone!
and finally, the slightly uncomfortable fondling and caressing. Baby L's favorite nursing pastime is simply grabbing the free nipple to hold, flick, pinch (ouch) and wiggle. who knew?

breastfeeding through the winter

nobody told me that breastfeeding + cold season would = boogers on mom's boobs, but i guess it makes perfect sense really. are there special tissues for this? puffs plus plus? available in sizes B, C and D (cause no one nursing still has A)...
and it's not a simple passing from nose to breast. oh no, it is an intricate dance:
a tiny bit of mucus shyly peers out, you can see it ready like a waiting talent show contestant. then a gentle baby breath gives it a boost out the nostril and contact is made! you can practically see the electricity jumping because you have this beautiful strand connecting mother and baby.
that is until baby looks up at you with a gleam in her eye. then you just have boogers on your boob.