so many words for snow, so many words to describe baby poop

while daddy is busy teaching baby L how to say "papaya", mommy is marveling over all the words that have been added to my own vocabulary since little ones have been added to my life.

just this morning L had "stinkerbuns" so it was off for a diaper change. it was not good. i don't need to bore you with details of color, consistency or quantity, but i will let you know it left an annoying amount of poor crumbs on the buns.

poop crumbs: noun. small flecks of fecal matter that do not, in fact brush away like crumbs on a counter, but suction and stick maddeningly to the skin. you see them; you wipe them; they are still there. poop crumbs.

keep in mind that L's pretty much putting on some kind of baby breakdancing show during the diaper change. she settles down only for a moment to announce "eye, eye!" which is her new favorite word. however in this context, "eye, eye" refers to the eye she has just smeared "butt cream" into.

after many wipes and a quick bath, the poop crumbs are gone. i offer a moment of silent thanks; at least this time she didn't have poop up the back.
(poop up the back: noun. a diaper full of poop that doesn't end where the diaper ends, but in fact goes up the back. poop up the back. )

first steps

baby steps. the image of a babe, tottering about. small steps are what comes to mind, no? but in actuality, baby steps are giant in proportion to babies. and my little one has surprised me yet again.
"are you ready for her to walk?" people have been asking.
"well sure," i reply carelessly, "she's already been crawling all over the place."
so i was picturing horizontal steps across the room, but Baby L had something else up her sleeve: VERTICAL steps!
as in, climbing onto tables and then standing UP on them!
as in, she can make it from the basement to the kitchen in a matter of moments (while mom tries to protect her from big brother's "help")!
as in, positioning forwards, backwards and sideways on a tippy kids chair where baby L's body occasionally becomes trapped by the armrests, thus toppling the chair... along with the baby.
baby steps.

snips and snails and puppy dog tails

although big kid C is no longer impressed by my "singing", baby L has moved into position of unsuspecting fan. between clapping and holding up her finger in the #1 position, i am pretty much on cloud nine. this was a joy of having children that i didn't see coming.

big kid C still brings joy in other ways. for instance, although i get impatient when there is a slow moving train right in the middle of my perfectly good road, he is straining in his seat to see how long it is, what it is carrying and whether it pulls a caboose (a rare occurrence i am surprised to note) . his excitement helps to temper the dread when i see the train crossing arm jerk leisurely down.

i also get a kick out of his special treasures. "can i have that for my collection?" he'll ask of toilet paper tubes and used pudding cups (yes, for the tubes and no way! for the pudding cups)
his current treasure chest is an old mary kay shipping box and it's current contents are as follows: one broken blue plastic camera, one American Legion business card (hello President Lilli!), one mini Tonka truck book, one spinning top, one baby hairbrush, one beaded coin purse, one aquarium harmonica and one silver tin which conceals his "footprints in the sand" keychain (from God), a snowman shaped rubber band bracelet, and a small silver chain.
in this box i see time passing and time standing still.

baby olympics

imagine an Olympic diver. she has just moments before entering the water to twist, turn, contort, flex and extend. amazing. now picture that same Olympic diver at 11 months and i can tell you what she is doing: twisting, turning, contorting, flexing and extending! all this while her buns are covered in poo. baby L's new extreme sport is diaper wrestling while mom and dad attempt to clean crevices and fasten BOTH sides of the diaper to her wriggling, inverted body (sorry, no partial credit for one side of a diaper...falls right off you'll soon find).

i am very relieved to know that our baby monitor is pointed at the crib and not the changing table. i thought only turtles could bend their necks that far!? i glance guiltily over my shoulder as i try to pin her down hoping these memories leave no scar (on me!... i mean HER). occasionally i can distract her with something really good like a fragile, electronic device or a bottle with a choking sized cap... and curse the articles and books that led me to believe that babies actually want to have a clean diaper. those were obviously written by someone with a twisted, turning, contorting sense of humor.

baby talk

if you want to drive a parent crazy, tell them you heard their baby say a new word that they haven't heard the baby say yet. it's maddening. not only that, but it makes a liar out of an otherwise honest mom. "oh yeah, she says that", I heard myself saying!?! poor Baby L was stuck listening to me repeat the same word over and over all night in smiling desperation. she didn't budge.