It was a Cinco de Mayo just like any other; lounging poolside following a candlelit dinner celebrating our close friends' marriage in Palm Springs, California. Sipping margaritas that were like sampling a fruit and veggie platter, full of fresh cucumbers and handmade by the groom...
Well by now you may have guessed, I never really had a Cinco de Mayo quite like this before.. The moments captured that weekend left me both reaching and remembering.
A weekend drenched with the luxuries of sweet sun, mountain backdrop, cool pool water, not to mention delicious food with every lift of the fork. But also the luxuries bestowed only upon parents vacationing away from their children. Vacating? A vacancy and void that allows you to stay up as late as you once did, to drink more than you lately have, to sleep (without one eye open) for more hours than you have in at least a year.
I mourn my old identity that carried the irresponsibility of independence. Knowing I could do whatever I please and make it back safe and sound no matter how many roads less traveled I chose.
We strolled through a second hand store without having to wrangle children into a shopping cart. I was able to wander at my own pace, meeting up with my honey from time to time throughout the store. It wasn't just a mission just to get through without breaking anything or a rush past my favorite glassware to get to the toy section. It was so enjoyable.
It was so nice to have "couple time" with my spouse. And talk to him. To talk when I wasn't completely exhausted.
It was so nice to see friends. And talk with them. And listen with both ears instead of one. To make spontaneous plans with them!
It was so nice to see the bride and groom surrounded by people, (pets) and images held dear to them. Simply put, to feel the open exchange of good energy from good people, and without the constant distractions that parenthood brings.
And yet, can it be anything but bittersweet to find yourself in a hotel swimming pool without your children? As fun as it is to watch Kevin put his head under water, it's just not the same thrill as when little C or L do it and come up sputtering and grinning. So I'm left reaching and remembering. Wanting to hold everything all at once. Appreciating.
